A conflict-free marriage is not reality. But you can learn to resolve conflict well. So here are 3 ways to put conflict to R-E-S-T in your marriage. The R in R-E-S-T stands for Review…review the problem. Pinpoint the exact issue of the conflict and get on the same page. The E stands for Evaluate…evaluate options. Have a brainstorm session with your spouse—discussing different ideas, solutions, and compromises. S...
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Everyone needs to know they’re appreciated, especially in marriage. A great compliment can make your spouse’s week. For the next few days, use one of these types of compliments on your spouse. First, compliment their people skills…how they treat others. Notice when they show uncommon kindness, generosity, chivalry or patience. Say, “I really admire how kind you were to the people in that crazy, crowded store!”...
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If you want to evaluate your marriage, the best way is to talk to the one person that knows your marriage as well, or better than, you do…your spouse. So here are 2 questions you can ask your spouse to assess your relationship. First ask, “How can I be better spouse to you?” Ask for practical examples. Second, ask, “Have I seemed oblivious to anything important going on in the family?” If you have missed...
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Let’s face it: All couples fight. And whether it’s a small disagreement or a huge argument, it’s important that you and your spouse learn to work things out together. So here are 3 ways to fight conflict in your marriage. First, accept that there will be conflict in your marriage. The sooner you accept that conflict is unavoidable, the sooner you can look for solutions. Second, avoid conflict as much as possible....
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Too much peace and harmony in your marriage? If so, here are a few things you can do to start a fight with your spouse. First, change plans at the last minute. Don’t consult with your spouse and just do what’s best for you. Second, have a serious conversation right before bed when you both are tired from a long day. That can easily lead to an argument. Third, compare your spouse to others. Say something...
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It’s crucial to develop good listening skills that account for your spouse’s style. There are different communication “personalities” that help you to listen better. For instance, maybe you’re married to what I call “Details Danny…or Danielle”. They don’t just tell a story, but the entire story. Details that seem frivolous to you are a big deal to them. And they don’t feel heard without telling details. So if you...
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Author Cynthia Ulrich Tobias wrote a book that helps parents and educators understand kids. It’s called The Way They Learn. Her insights about learning styles can also help spouses who are trying to better understand one another. The first learning style is Concrete-Sequential. These spouses are organized and efficient. Systems and routines just make sense to them, and they take things literally. The second style...
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