My wife, Susan and I have been so happy to see friends who have had long-lasting marriages but have been saddened as well by marriages that seemed great but came to a shocking end. In a marriage failure, there are usually one or more marriage killers that are constantly present. For example, one marriage killer is comparison. One spouse might often say things like, “Why can’t you be more like her?” Or, “Why can’t...
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You need to be accepted by your spouse, warts and all, just as you are. But not every change your spouse desires is an attack on you or your personality. So, instead of just ignoring them or bowing up to them, start by asking… “On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being really, really important to you, how important is it to you that I change this action or behavior?” Then, focus on those 8’s, 9’s and 10’s…and put the...
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Recently, my wife, Susan and I had one of those conflicts where we started talking about one thing, but ended up listing everything that we sometimes find irritating about each other. All of it could have been avoided if we just remembered some important facts. First, we are equal opportunity agitators. We both do things that annoy each other, and we need to step back and look at ourselves first. Second, it’s...
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Conflict tends to bring out the worst in people. They can all too easily become aggressive, insulting, and hurting—leaving wounds on their family members for a long time to come. So how can you fight fair? Here are a few ways for your family to fight fair. First, know when to take a break. When things start escalating, sometimes it’s best to take a short break and walk away from the situation to calm down. ...
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It amazes me how much I’m still learning each day. Just when I think I’ve made some great progress, I mess up and realize I’m still far from being the kind of husband I want to be. But after 25 years of marriage to my wife Susan, I’ve discovered a thing or two about how to communicate well. So here’s what I’ve learned about communicating with my wife. First, communicate gently. Because I’m a “recovering”...
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Words matter. I choose them carefully and look for the right words for the situation. But I’ve learned there’s a fine line between being curt and courteous. How we say the words is as important as what we say. There are three things we need to remember about communicating with our spouse that make all the difference. First, the way we use our body can change an innocent comment into the start of something bad. ...
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We all know how powerful words can be. They have the power to poison and even kill a relationship. But they also have the power to build up and breathe life into a relationship. Here are 5 types of words that can help breathe life into your marriage. First, respectful words. Choosing to use respectful words with your spouse means choosing to honor them—not undermine them. Second, affirming words. No matter...
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